Do you faux-cialise instead of socialise?


As the race towards The Big Day gathers momentum there’s an assumption that we’re all out every night partying, socialising, causing mayhem and generally being a social dynamo. But according to December’s issue of Grazia magazine this is just a myth!

Writer Caroline Corcoran calls it faux-cialising and reckons 91% of us regularly cancel nights out. She says: “there is such pressure to keep up with friendships that it gets overwhelming… when [we] don’t see somebody for a long time, [we] feel awkward.” The reason, she believes “is the idea that, curated and encouraged from online contact, our friendship circles are too wide for the real-life hours we have available. We don’t have time to see people frequently, so by the time we do meet up… there’s a lot of pressure to make the most of it.”

Psychotherapist Robert Stewart says, in the article, that the desire to stay home and be on our own is because we’ve become afraid or anxious about socialising. “One of the key aspects of the society we live in is comparing ourselves with other people. And with social media that’s exacerbated. That leads to a disconnect between how we feel about ourselves and how we think other people perceive us and, in the end, we just want to remove ourselves from situations where we could be judged negatively.”

According to Corcoran, the world we live in now accommodates our new fear “very nicely. Many of our current zeitgeists are home-tailored: Netflix, adult-colouring, Instagram, baking.” However, conducting our lives within four walls is the “social equivalent of existing purely on cake and Mars bars: it will lead to spikes and highs but never give us everything we need.”

So what’s the solution? Futon Company thinks it’s all about balance. Enjoying face-time with close friends over a drink, a gallery or meal provides the human contact we crave, then coming back to a comfortable happy home, a haven from the stresses and strains of the outside world makes for a more content person. And whether you live in a home with palatial proportions or a small space, there’s plenty of opportunity to create a cosy cocoon…
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